Emotional Validation: The Key to Inner Healing
Have you ever felt like your emotions were too much—too messy, too loud, or just too complicated for others to handle? If so, you're not alone. Many of us grew up in environments where our feelings were minimized or dismissed. We were told to “get over it,” “be strong,” or “stop crying.” But here’s the truth I’ve learned, both as a therapist and a woman who has walked through deep valleys: emotional validation is the key to true inner healing.
When we talk about emotional validation, we're referring to the act of recognizing and accepting someone’s feelings without judgment. It’s the gentle reminder that what you feel matters. It’s hearing someone say, “It makes sense that you feel this way,” and realizing that you're not crazy, dramatic, or weak—you’re human.
In my own healing journey, I had to relearn how to validate my own emotions. I was in a marriage where I felt like my emotions didn’t matter. In a way, I was not allowed to feel. I don’t identify as an empath but I often feel mine and other people’s emotions very deeply. My emotions were seldom validated in my family of origin. We used laughter to cover everything and therefore, I never learned that the more “negative” emotions were okay too. As a married woman, I remember sitting in silence, hand over heart, whispering, “It’s okay to feel this. God sees me.” That small act, done consistently, began to unravel years of emotional neglect. I didn’t just need therapy—I needed compassion. And it started with validating what was inside of me. You don’t necessarily need someone else to validate you; you can start the journey yourself and use external validation as a bonus. Your parents may have never validated your emotions, and like me, you may have been in a marriage that continued the same patterns, but that doesn’t have to be the case anymore.
From a clinical perspective, emotional validation reduces shame and increases self-awareness. It helps regulate our nervous system and makes space for resilience to grow. Validation helps parts of yourself be seen, heard and understood. But from a spiritual lens, It’s an invitation to return to the God who sees, hears, and understands. Just look at Hagar in the wilderness (Genesis 16). When she felt discarded and alone, God met her and said, “I see you.” That, my friend, is divine validation. Just like he saw Hagar in her most vulnerable moment, he also sees you. He knows the parts of you that need to be held and He is willing and able to hold you. Can you hear him tell you that he sees you?
So, how do you begin to incorporate emotional validation into your healing journey?
Start by naming your emotions. Write them down or speak them out loud.
Avoid judging your feelings as “good” or “bad.” They are simply information.
Invite God into your emotional world. Say, “Lord, help me sit with this.”
Surround yourself with people who honor your experience, not fixers, but listeners.
Learn to say to yourself: “It makes sense that I feel this way.” “it’s ok for me to have this feeling.”
Remain curious - ask yourself what this feeling is trying to teach you about yourself and your environment.
Whether you’re walking through heartbreak, loss, anxiety, or a season of rebuilding, emotional validation is the soil where your healing takes root. You are not too much. You are not broken. You are worthy of being understood.
And if no one told you this today: Your feelings matter. You matter to me and God.
What is one thing you can do this week to validate your feelings?
How will you be intentionally more aware of how you feel?
Have questions about your healing journey or how to integrate emotional validation into your life? Send us an email at admin@nychealingcenter.com—we’d love to hear from you!